Based on conversation I had with someone on my favorite socials site I learned to take a step back and look at myself these were thing this person made me realize about myself.
1. I am a submissive
I am smart but dumb I can give most people a run for their money in knowledge department, but I am nowhere near where portray myself as or where I used to be intellect wise. I honestly dumbed down since I last looked at myself outside myself due stress and peer pressure.
2. I am a slave
My mental state is feeble at this point in my life due to this yearning for attention I have. This yearning make my act out childishly and accidently say something I don’t mean or can’t back up, which make me liar unintentionally or just someone who bites off more than they can chew. When I make that mistake I try to fix it on spot and probably making myself look like more of a liar. In embarrassment I fumble and speak without thinking once that is realized I get shy and run away hide in my mental cage often in tears. Thus making me my own slave master I want defeat myself and protect myself at the same time. This thought process is what I meant by having to sides. So realized I am my own worst enemy in the since of my reflection when I am faced with myself (the part of me I hate) I am equally matched (with the part I like about me) . No two ways about this my dislike for myself is stronger than my liking of myself (such is the essence of low self esteem). So to take on myself I look to back me up(encourage me) so I can defeat myself. But (this was pointed out to me) unless I truly can defeat myself (my flaws) alone(with my pride) I can never win my mental battle. I know that I cannot depend on anyone to save me form myself I know better than that but I am afraid to beat myself because I don’t know it anyone will catch once the battle is won against myself and I am also scared that I will have not one to go to (not myself or anyone wondering will I be accepted at all ) show who really am inside. ( I want to know I changed)
3. Why I want love
Truly in this world I wish for love and acceptance but I will not settle for someone never got to know the real me. I wish for someone who is willing to understand my flaws and accept them. I hope somebody would care enough point out my flaws and not lie trying to make me feel better when ask what someone thinks of I don’t you are cute or nice or such flattery I want to what some really sees so I can become better. I can only see someone loving me who can tell truth and not worry about how I might feel. This honesty is is true love to me. Because I will know where I stand with who I care about I will gladly tell them where they stand so they make whatever self improvements they need to. I’m tried is being lied to and having thing sugar coated it giving some painful cavities (a metaphor for if you won’t go easy on me I need to know the truth or I wouldn’t ask)
Thing I like and don’t like and have hard time explaining on the spot when come talking about myself.

1. Kind dominance: Meaning I like people to show me the way to go in some thing in life because I get lost in my own mind. I like having second opinion in most thing I do because every person has their views on how thing should be. More than opinion make feel more sure of what I am planning to do because I can sit for hours thinking should I say this or this or should I do this or this an I’ll never get anything done. Ways may try to say explain this “I like being told what do”


2. I like to be told truth no matter how harsh it is because it helps me learn from my mistakes and make better improvements. Whether it is my looks, my work, or my behavior tell me what you really think. I can care less if you agree or disagree with what I do, think or say tell me your opinion when I ask for and don’t I just want to learn and grow. Way I may say this is “I like have my friends keep me going”

3. I have opposing personalities inside me: Meaning I am naturally shy but I have yeaning to adventurous. Thought my timid nature often over rules how I behave there some time my bolder more adventurous side will show. When it does manage to show I will do things that can put me out my normal place. Since boldness is not anywhere near consistent as my shyness is I have bad habit stepping out on my comfort bounds and running back comfort zone with can give people the illusion of me being I unsteady emotionally when I am to very even minded majority of the time.



1. I hate to be told what to do without reason of over dominated. It irritates me to no end to be referred to as less than equal in some situations. As matter it get on my nerves and unnecessary control behavior once I feel like it going on will make me put up my defenses.
2. I can’t stand being ignored or blown off, It make me sad and at angry as well. When feel ignored I will sometimes try regaining attention. This behavior often results in me making embarrassing mistakes on my part.
3. I have a hard telling people things about myself on the spot anyway because I have played games with who I am inside many a time hiding from others so I do lose track of a lot of things about myself . I am often forced to not be my whole self on the outside because social structure well damage free thinking or deep thinking individuals.
A truth about myself
I feel younger then I am because no one really treats me like an adult but in the long run I am truly naïve for my age. I’m very book smart but lack world experience and street smarts. I grow up a very sheltered and overprotected girl so I have yet experience a lot of things so I am very childlike regardless of my age since my appearance lines up with lack of street knowledge no one who see me can guess my age. And personally I got sick and tired of people denying my age so I whatever age they guess me at unless I have reason to be my age.